Common Mentoring Mistakes and How to Avoid Them
Mentoring is a process during which one more experienced person serves as a role model and guide to another less experienced one who would like to emulate their life and grow in a specific career field. Mentoring is widespread in law, business, medicine, and religion. It can occur formally, as a part of an employee mentorship program, or informally, as a mentoring relationship. Either way, its success depends on both the mentor and the mentee. Some of the most common mentoring mistakes that can ruin mentoring include lack of reciprocity, clearly defined goals and commitment, and trust, as well as ineffective communication and criticism.
Reciprocity should underlie any mentor-mentee relationship. Both mentors and mentees should put their egos aside. During the first session, mentees should share their expected results from the relationship, their career goals, and possible ways to reach their full potential instead of mentors doing so. Mentees should feel the mentor’s support but remain in control of their personal and professional aspirations. A mentee’s success is not their mentor’s responsibility, and the latter should not take credit for it either.
Setting goals is vital for mentoring. Mentors and mentees should collaborate and agree on what they will consider success and what metrics they will be checking. From the onset, the two should set both long-term and short-term goals of what the mentee seeks to accomplish and what skills they would like to develop. Setting goals also creates space for future discussions and provides both parties with something to anticipate for each session.
It is equally important to define each party’s commitment. Mentors and mentees should decide on the number of check-ins, the amount of time each needs to devote, the length of a single session, the time frame — finite or not, and the venue of the session — formal (in an office or meeting room) or informal (over a coffee or lunch). Doing so will allow mentors to ensure they have enough time in their schedule to dedicate to their mentees.
Mentors should act as trusted advisors for their mentees in any situation. They should keep in confidence everything the latter share with them during the sessions. This is particularly true in the case of employee mentorship programs: mentees need to be sure their mentor will not abuse the information they discussed and use it against them. Once trust is lost, it will be difficult for mentees to share any weaknesses to overcome and grow.
Ineffective communication can also be detrimental to mentoring. Mentors must find the right balance between talking too much and not sharing enough. Although mentors are the more experienced party, a session should not feel like a lecture but rather be a back-and-forth dialogue where the mentor prompts mentees to think critically and perform a self-evaluation. Mentors can share personal experience stories, but they should by no means occupy the whole session with reminiscing or bragging about accomplishments. Their role is that of listeners. They must find out a mentee’s needs and support them on their growth journey.
The opposite, mentors not sharing enough, is not helpful either. However, sharing more does not imply talking more. Mentors should convey wisdom and guidance in a way that benefits the mentee. Failing to do so will render the whole experience futile for both parties.
Finally, mentoring should be centered on a mentee’s improvement areas and overcoming professional hurdles rather than on flaws in their character. Mentor’s role does not involve pointing out all their mentee’s faults. Instead, they should challenge their current way of thinking and help them grow. The mentoring relationship should rest on honesty and constructive feedback, not criticism. Mentees should feel safe enough in the relationship where their mentors serve as a sounding board.
